Being, as some would sugar coat it, "between career options". I am in the most stressful and confusing segment of my life so far. Seemingly washed up and finished at 38.
I have noticed some friends are closer to me than before. More supportive and just "there" you know? Others have almost disappeared completely. I suppose that people deal with things differently. Not saying right or wrong, just different. One friend in particular, whom I will not name publicly out of respect and affection, I considered almost as a little brother. He is the closest of all my friends and acquaintances distance wise and in the top reaches friendship wise. Yet the most notably absent too. This confuses me to no end.
I feel like a bit of a pariah to be honest and makes me wonder what is wrong with me. I cant do things as I could before. The finances just don't meet up. I have been heads down in the career search, I am sure that can be a detriment to any relationships. The weeks speed by as I flail around and stretch to cover my obligations each month the best I can.
If not for my sainted spouse. I would be a statistic. The words "homeless" and "veteran" seem to be more closely linked than ever before. Scarier still, 25 a day try and 18 a day succeed. I am scared to death of that. I know some comrades that have tried. I am grateful to my wife for Her love and support has been extremely strong, but one cannot shoulder the load forever.
This leads to feelings of uselessness. I went from being a "warrior" and a Naval Officer on active duty in time of war to becoming, well, nothing. I counted for something in uniform, especially overseas. I mattered.
I get told repeatedly that I do count for something now, but it is hard to believe when hundreds of resumes go unanswered. It feels like my next big deployment will be with a bonus army march like after WWI.
Is this some sort of mid-life crisis? I do not know. I hope not. Options are clear. 1. Give Up. and 2. Keep plugging away until I get a break.
I have been raised to never surrender. So my path is pretty clear.