Being, as some would sugar coat it, "between career options". I am in the most stressful and confusing segment of my life so far. Seemingly washed up and finished at 38.
I have noticed some friends are closer to me than before. More supportive and just "there" you know? Others have almost disappeared completely. I suppose that people deal with things differently. Not saying right or wrong, just different. One friend in particular, whom I will not name publicly out of respect and affection, I considered almost as a little brother. He is the closest of all my friends and acquaintances distance wise and in the top reaches friendship wise. Yet the most notably absent too. This confuses me to no end.
I feel like a bit of a pariah to be honest and makes me wonder what is wrong with me. I cant do things as I could before. The finances just don't meet up. I have been heads down in the career search, I am sure that can be a detriment to any relationships. The weeks speed by as I flail around and stretch to cover my obligations each month the best I can.
If not for my sainted spouse. I would be a statistic. The words "homeless" and "veteran" seem to be more closely linked than ever before. Scarier still, 25 a day try and 18 a day succeed. I am scared to death of that. I know some comrades that have tried. I am grateful to my wife for Her love and support has been extremely strong, but one cannot shoulder the load forever.
This leads to feelings of uselessness. I went from being a "warrior" and a Naval Officer on active duty in time of war to becoming, well, nothing. I counted for something in uniform, especially overseas. I mattered.
I get told repeatedly that I do count for something now, but it is hard to believe when hundreds of resumes go unanswered. It feels like my next big deployment will be with a bonus army march like after WWI.
Is this some sort of mid-life crisis? I do not know. I hope not. Options are clear. 1. Give Up. and 2. Keep plugging away until I get a break.
I have been raised to never surrender. So my path is pretty clear.
2 comments:
Hello DirtSailor,
My name is Leigh. I love your blog. I hope you force yourself to keep going until you get a break. I say this thing to myself when I am having days when I can barely get off the couch. "Just keep going til you're done, just keep going til you done." Then suddenly, the dishwasher has been unloaded!
Anyway, your exceptional blog deals with depression awareness and I know you are familiar with the importance of mental health. It is for these reasons that I contact you today.
I am ‘every woman’, the girl next door and the one you never would have suspected, however, for years I have been struggling with depression. I have written a book about my experiences entitled “The Blue Veil”.
Through this book, it is my aim to reduce the stigma of depression by increasing awareness of the issue. I am donating a large percentage of the proceeds to 15 carefully chosen mental health awareness organizations worldwide. I have provided the list of these organizations at the end of this email.
This is where you come in. I am organizing a 2 month long online book release campaign, structured around various depression awareness weeks around the world. It will be from July 1st to August 31st. My request is, during this period of time would you be willing to host me on your blog for a few days of those months? This can be carried out in a few ways:
-I would send you a couple/few articles that talk about my book and of course depression awareness. You would post these articles on your blog over a few days during those months (letting me know which days you will choose)
OR
-You could write your own prose about “The Blue Veil” and depression awareness and post these articles on your blog over the course of the months (letting me know which days you will choose).
Now you may be wondering what is in this for you and your blog? Well, I could provide you with a free version of “The Blue Veil”. You could also review the depression awareness organizations, which I will send to you, to see if there is one you would like to be included and I will certainly look into it.
More on “The Blue Veil”:
Up to 58 MILLION suffer from it in the US alone, and VERY FEW talk about it. Is it your friend, colleague or neighbor? Now, finally, ‘The Blue Veil’ brings a modern, raw account of depression. Read it and understand your loved ones better. Be assured that no one is alone.
``Leigh has everything going for her when the unthinkable happens. She loses control of her own emotions and everything in her life begins to slip away. With a marriage strained to the brink, the loss of her father, fertility issues and the loss of her job, will Leigh be able to move beyond The Blue Veil and take back control of her future?``
Thanks so much for your consideration and efforts. I understand that you are busy, so I wanted to express my sincere gratitude. It is with great respect for you and your blog that I write this email and it would mean so much to me to have your readers aware of my efforts.
Please do not hesitate to contact me at any time if you have any questions regarding my request.
Sincerely yours,
Leigh Turgeon
email: leighturgeon@gmail.com
Twitter: @leighslead
The Blue Veil Blog http://behindtheblueveil.blogspot.ca/
FB Page The Blue Veil https://www.facebook.com/TheBlueVeil
FB Page Leigh Turgeon https://www.facebook.com/LeighTurgeon
1-613-794-4657
Wow, thank you for the kind words. I have wrestled with the whole PTSD issue. I know it will never "go away" and my war experiences are part of me forever. Add the stress of a bad economy and job situation. Well, you know how it can get.
What keeps me going is loyal friends, and a wife that deserves "Saint" in front of her name. She certainly deals with stress herself, but she has been great to me.
As to posting other's works/posts on my blog. Well, I would certainly entertain the idea.
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