Post Deployment Boredom Syndrome

I'm naming my own syndrome. Mabye I can get federal funding or something. TV commercials for my new pet disease jammed between "Irritable Bowel Syndrome" and hair loss replacement commercials. Mabye an infomercial at 3 am for a cure.

Post Deployment Boredom Syndrome

Since my return home. I have felt rather resltless. A friend hit the nail on the head when he asked if I am bored.

I have gotten used to being at a certain adrenalin level for long enough that it has had an effect on my assimilation into "normal" society.

I have always been a bit of a type "A" personality. Adrenalin junkie looking for another thrill. I tried everything. Mountain biking, snowboarding, Tae Kwon Do, skydiving, reenacting, bungee jumping, driving way too fast, skateboarding, scuba diving. You name it.

The ultimate thrill, what they called "seeing the elephant" during the civil war, namely conflct. War. Kept me at a constand adrenalin and excitement rush. Nothing like going to a place like Afghanistan, where the threat of ieds and mortars and the like is nearly constant. That buzz became normal for me.

Now, sitting in a nice quiet safe office is like suffocating for me. It feels like a vacuum, deep space. Coffee and meetings. Insufferable bullshit that means little here and even less over there.

World War II reenactments have lost their color and vibrancy. It's like watching a war on TV with the sound turned way down. Distant and safe. No shrapnel, or the noise a mortar makes while traveling its way to a target. Whine and whistle. The hiss of RPGs like perverted model rockets bent on destruction. Streaking towards their targets.

I have a hard time getting back into my work. I look forward to my impending transfer and hopefully another overseas tour. Iraq looks like a 99% certainty.

The only thing that I do actually enjoy is seeing family and friends. I know they're ok and they can see I am healthy. Done. I can go back now.

Is there a rehab for war junkies?

I have seen it before. Mirrored in my own family.

My Dad for one. Korea and three tours in Vietnam, Beriut airport in 1958. Older brother Bill went to Panama and other little war appetisers. Little brother John has done both Iraq and Afghanistan and is going for thirds. Iraq again. He's getting tired, but I am sure will secretly admit to the thrill of adventure.

Is it genetic? Inhereted genes for adventure and arms?

Learned behaviour? Place the blame on Sgt. Rock comics and weekends playing "Army" in the backyard? Encouraged by my paratrooper father and a society where males are supposed to be mechanics and jocks and war heroes at birth?

Teaching again

I am currently at Fort Monmouth New Jersey wrapping up a teaching assignment.

I was worried that I had lost a step as an instructor. Worse still, I have been afraid that I would find going back to instructor duty boring compared to flying down Jalalabad road in an unarmored Mitsubishi Pajero in Kabul and other Afghanistan fun times.

It feels like perhaps I have gotten back into my old groove pretty well. I stumbled a couple of times and bungled in not bringing backup discs of my teaching materials. Other than that I think I have done pretty well.

Disbelief

I find it disturbing that people are more disturbed by 32 students getting murdered in cold blood, when we have lost as many young American servicemen in Iraq and Afghanistan over just the past couple of weeks.

Do not misunderstand. I am stunned at what hapened. It is a tragedy of unfathomable proportions.

My thoughts turn to the state of this country.

Has America become so completely decadent and self-involved that it can send it's young people off to war and not even know what is going on there? 99.9% of Americans are living as they always have. Going about their lives, consuming, watching "reality" T.V. Other than lip service paid by the news, most Americans are either ignorant of events or do not care.

Other than a few seconds on T.V. a flashed images of a bomb going off, a convoy going outside the wire, flag draped caskets. The war, my war, seems to have almost no effect on people. No sacrifice, no rationing, no war bonds, no patriotic songs.

Indeed, who is the father of Anna Nicole's baby?? Earth shattering. How many meals in a row has Paris Hilton thrown up in a toilet? Front page news. Trivial garbage means more.

I do not want to forget. Some experiences you do not heal from. Doing so would be to deny the whole experience.

Only The Dead Have Seen An End To War

---- Plato

Back into the grind

It's been over a month now and my North American family and friends visitation tour is over. 6 Flights, 1 rental car, and almost 1000 miles driven. Some of my bigger (in stature) friends managed to nearly seperate my sternum giving me bear hugs. Relationships are intact as they were the day I left. Friends and Family all are well. It's like returning from outer-space, everybody's life has moved on and I am still feel the same. Although some have said that I have changed.


The nightmares have subsided quite a bit. I still get jumpy at loud unexpected noises, but I can get used to that. I was kind of worried that my main hobby, world war II reenacting, wold no longer hold any interest to me. I have been to three events since returning home. The "tactical" portion has lost some of its appeal. Nothing can ever compare to the real thing. Seeing friends and spending time hanging out is still the best portion of any event.

Going away on deployment really shows how much family and friends really miss you. I'd always felt very temporary about myself. The life of a Naval Officer is a transient one. It is good to be missed.